sábado, 12 de julho de 2008

passions returning

These last few weeks have had some very strange events and left me in some what of a quandary over my direction and emotional sense. A few weeks ago I had been looking after the house and visiting Mike's mother, she was ageing at 91 and I went in the evening to give her some extra company more than assistance, she seemed to cope, all be it with some difficulty, however that changed rapidly the other week and she died, leaving us all in some what of a shocked state, some of the family having flown large distances to see her before she died, which most thankfully did manage. Valerie was the Queen's 'nose gay' for many years, I think near 40 years, an artist who painted and also carved, a keen surrealist and a lady that had great mental vitality even at the end. The funeral was a very modest affair and very sad to be with friends seeing their loss and grieving, lightened I must say by the grand children's obvious love and appreciation of their grand mother and their entertaining speeches covering what they had learnt from their closeness to such an interesting lady. I had planed to go to France for some three months work but the death of Valerie and Mike's work beforehand, rather meant that nothing had got sorted out until last Thursday, when Mike and I travelled to France and had contact with the architect and builder for his house there.

I had been some what involved whilst I was in Brazil with designing a staircase for the house in France as well as some large double doors for the library and front entrance, along with my now evolving relationship with Graca, it had all been a lot of passion and optimism, I was looking forward to being in France and getting a new workshop set up but the real down side for me was the separation I new I would have from Graca, this I thought would be somewhat eased by the knowledge that she was going to Ouro Preto for 18 months on a course for restoration of paintings, truly for me an ideal subject and one that I have readily given my support to. The trouble is that with the events of the funeral, along with the memories of my mothers death earlier this year, I started to feel that the work in France was about to unwind , leaving me with almost nothing to do there, I had very little other work planned, that which I had planned before hand also disappeared, along with the feeling that having come back to the UK on a wild goose chase I had left back in Brazil what now felt I needed more than any work, that of Graca's company, suddenly it seemed to be the most stupid decision to leave when I could have been there to help her with the new course and make some new real direction for us to travel.

The meeting last Thursday, along with many emails that Graca has sent me over the weeks, with her calm and clear attitude has made the whole of the last few weeks come back to a positive and hopeful situation, creating once again some brave new venture that we can travel together. I had thought for many years that this kind of emotional roller coaster had past me by and that I was just able to calmly plan my life but I am in some ways glad to see the turmoil return and the passions flow once more, a sense of living the Brazilian life and not exsisting just to clear the gas and electricity bills.
Whilst in France Mike and I met up with our friends the Dareau's who have a small holding and riding school near to St Puy and have really been the reason for Michael's attention going to the Gers as a possible location for living in France permanently, Michael Dareau and his wife Marece have been in France for a number of years now with the main intention of helping their daughters run a fine riding school.